We woke up before the sun this morning, Abigail and I did, to have new tubes put in Abigail's ears. They are basically standard issue with Down syndrome. It's a very quick, simple, out patient procedure with virtually no complications, but does involve general anesthesia.
Last time we had it done, Abigail woke up a total grouch, whiny and moaning. But this time, when I met her in recovery, she was perky and flirting with a bevy of nurses. She was all "please" and "thank you" and eating an orange popsicle. She waved enthusiastically at every passerby while we waited to be discharged.
|"They match orange."|
"Oh," she was disappointed, I sensed a bit of disbelief in her voice.
"No one is happy all the time." I forget that people think Down syndrome means she's always happy. I have three children under six, sometimes I forget to brush my hair.
It's really hard for me to slip back into my regular routine when we have morning appointments. It's ridiculous, I know, how hard it is to get back on track, like I missed the beginning of a song and I can't pick it up half way through. But I'm tired! Matt didn't clean up the breakfast dishes! Look, new Instagram comments! Usually the day gets thrown away. "Sorry I didn't make dinner," I tell Matt when he gets home from work. "We had a tired, lazy day." It's annoying and stupid and a cheap excuse. I just never got my shit back together after this morning. I'm always trying new strategies to get myself back on track. They work until they don't. Lately I've been trying another strategy with mixed results. I read about it on a Catholic mommy blog somewhere. "Just pick a few things you want to get done. If those are the only things that get done that day, you'll consider it a success." I picked five things and I wrote them down in my bullet journal/planner.
I'm tired, I don't feel like it, Theodore is grouchy. Just get these few things done, that's it. Just five small tasks. Sometimes I don't get up on time and then the whole things feels worthless. I can't check them all off! I'm a failure! What's the point in going any further?! Sometimes the list propels me to keep going. I have to get up! If I don't, I won't be able to check off the box! All right, I'm going to go see how many more boxes I can check off before the witching hour hits. Wish me luck.