15 April 2017

Little Sufferings

Eleanor (2y 11m) has really surpassed Abigail (5y 11m) in almost every way except academics (letter and number recognition, counting, spelling, stuff like that). Eleanor can run faster, jump higher, climb, knows more words, puts together more complex sentences, understands more, is potty trained, has better impulse control. It has been this way for several months. It wasn't hard on me emotionally when it happened. I thought it would be. But it is the way things are, and that is fine. But every once in a while, little things really hit me funny.

Eleanor can blow bubbles. Abigail can't.

"New batteries," she says, handing me the bottle, her eyes frustrated. She doesn't understand why Eleanor's are working and her's aren't. Life isn't fair and she doesn't have the words to tell me that. Are they in her head and just can't make it to her mouth? Is it just something she feels, but doesn't have words for - even inside? I don't know. Something so small that everyone else can do. But she can't. She will have to experience this over and over again. Everyone else is working and she isn't.

Life isn't fair.

When I think about Abigail's struggles and her future, I am very thankful we are Catholic. That her suffering can be united with Christ's, that her humility on earth will gain her glory in Heaven.

1 comment:

Iseoni Austin said...

Life isn't fair. I still remember the comment you made about how many compliments you received with Eleanor. Abigail is pretty, but Eleanor is a striking mini me. It's crazy. I see her and it's like you, but tiny. And I could say that it was that way for my brothers (my brother who looked like my dad got way more compliments) but it's just not the same. It will never be the same.

What Eleanor feels many never be revealed, but you know her so well. And that relationship will be one that will be deeper and amazing because you're so loving towards her.