12 January 2017

Work In Progress

I always want to make things in my life perfect, as if once I achieve that maximum goal, I will no longer have to worry about anything. I strive to make things as maximally efficient as possible: the order I scan and bag things in my grocery cart to make loading the car and putting away the groceries as efficient as possible, the way I get the kids ready and get them in the car, the way I clean. We are going for maximum amount of work in a minimum amount of time. I dreamed of building a house with a floorplan that was as efficient as humanly possible.

When I lived in the apartment, I really wanted hardwood floors. We had them in Chicago and I vastly preferred them. Hardwood is easy to clean. The cat puked? The diaper leaked? The mud was tracked in? No problem for hardwood floors! I'd way rather sweep and Swiffer (mop) than vacuum, you can't vacuum when kids are sleeping, and does vacuuming even really get the carpet clean? I never feel like carpet is really, deeply clean. It's hiding all kinds of dirt and odor in its padding, I just know it. We have hardwood floors again, and while it solved all the woes from the apartment, wood brings with it it's own set of maintenance needs. The dining room chairs scrape away at the surface, requiring regular wax to protect it. It's harder for stockinged feet to grip it. It's more painful when kids fall down on it. I'm finding that when I sit with the kids on the wood floor, I'm stiff when I get up. The living room is generally less cozy. We don't spend much time in it, actually, we opt to go downstairs or into a bedroom where it's carpeted. So now I'm pricing out rugs so I can put a little square of dirty, hard-to-clean, comfortable, cushy carpet on top of the hardwood floor in the living room so that it will be cozier. This, I'm learning, is life. Or, at least life without a hired maid. Sometimes even when things are perfect and maximally efficient, there will still be downsides. Windows will always leak cold winter air, flower beds will always need weeding, dresser drawers will always need reorganizing. Even after 8 years of marriage and 5 years of kids, it's still sometimes hard for me to accept that no matter how amazingly I do the dishes today, I will have to do them again tomorrow. And the day after, and the day after. There will never be meaning and fulfillment in doing the laundry, So I need to stop focusing on doing it perfectly, maximally efficiently. I need to focus on the fact that I'm doing laundry because I love my family. Because I want to keep them healthy. I need the hour-long process that is folding and putting away a load with three kids to remind me that we are blessed enough to buy new clothes and shoes and have enough socks and underwear. I need to ceaselessly give thanks to God for even the smallest of blessings (this really warm purple sweatshirt I'm wear). Just like I never tire of hearing Matt tell me he loves me and I'm pretty, God will never tire of hearing me say, "Thank you for my Pinterest-pretty laundry room with laundry shoot located in the basement of the house I finally own."

1 comment:

Kindra said...

It really is a Pinterest-pretty laundry room! Who knew there was such a thing? :)