10 January 2017

Mommy's turn.

I never know when returning from a long hiatus whether or not to address the break. "Hey, I've been gone forever, life got in the way!" I mean, yes, but no. Life got in the way, sure, but I found time to watch Battlestar Galatica seasons 1&2 after the kids went to bed. I read books. I bake bundt cakes. There's time, but it's going elsewhere because I don't know what to blog about anymore. We're saving up to finish fencing in our backyard. Theodore screams at the top of his lungs in the most headache inducing high-pitched screech all day every day. I am struggling with Abigail, she's five in age but not developmentally, and I'm really exhausted sometimes. And 2.5-year-old Eleanor can be the most fun, precocious little girl in one second and a terribly whiny brat the next. And then they all go off and play nicely together, sharing and taking turns and melting my heart. But the "motherhood is hard, balancing it all is hard, the work is worth the joy"  stuff has all been blogged about many times over by much more eloquent writers than I.

So I don't know what to say that is interesting, not too complainy, not too sappy, doesn't breach my kids' privacy, and hasn't already been written. So I give up, and turn to either crocheting or reading or changing another diaper or making dinner or making donuts and eating those for dinner. (They were red velvet with cream cheese frosting and I don't regret it.)

But I can't just sign off because my blog offers me two really awesome perks: My blog is a detailed, picture-filled, searchable baby book. It also keeps me writing. I don't get much story writing done during the week (shocking, with three kids in diapers, I know), and I like the little bit of dabbling I get to do in this space.

So here is a stab at a post. Boring though it may be, here we go.

I am intrigued by a lot of professions. I want to be a writer, a psychiatrist, a baker, a physical therapist. I think it'd be awesome to own a business, maybe a craft store. There are romanticize-able facets to them all: going out to lunch with an editor and pouring over manuscripts, studying the MRIs of stroke patients re-learning language skills, baking silky vanilla cupcakes and kneading yeast-y cinnamon bread when most people are still asleep. It all sounds so interesting! But primarily I want to be there for my kids. I want to snuggle them when they still have milky breath, I want to help them take their first steps, I want to teach them how to pray before they eat, how to recover when someone takes your favorite Sofia figurine. I want to help them make Valentines for school parties. I want to be here when they are sick or there is a snow day. I want to volunteer as a chaperone on field trips and talk about how school was over homemade cookies. I want to have time to teach them how to crochet and balance their checking accounts and defend their faith. So, God willing, I'm going to be a stay-at-home mom until my youngest kid's first day of college. 

But at the same time, I don't want to be one of those moms who loses her identity. I don't want to become one of those women who doesn't watch presidential debates, who doesn't have an opinion about Russian hacking scandals, who can't remember the last time she read a book, and who only goes out with her husband on their anniversary. I don't want to be lost after my kids grow up.

For a while now, I've wanted to dedicate myself to writing after my youngest kid starts school - something I can pick up and put down as flus and zoo field trips and summer vacations allow. I still like that plan, but lately I've been flirting with something else. Zumba. I've been taking a class for about 9 months now, and I really like it. The instructor is awesome and has built up a little community. When someone has a difficult pregnancy, she rallies up a meal train. When someone falls into a bad financial situation, she rallies up a food drive. It's an amazing little gym of love and support. And I'm not exactly sure how it happened, but somehow I ended up getting "my own" song and whenever it comes on, the instructor calls me to the front to lead the class. I love it! I feel like a total bad ass! I envision myself someday getting certified to teach Zumba and then leading my own little class of awesome love and support. Maybe I could even offer a class once a week where we'd dance only to Christian music. I like that there are so many options available and that energy is not wasted only on the young.


Diane said...

Please don't stop posting! It doesn't matter what you write about, I just enjoy your blog.

Cindy said...

You have been gone a while! It's good to have you back, and don't worry about blogging about all the normal stuff. I for one, like to know I'm not the only one who went through it. :)