This summer is really wearing me out. I have three kids five and under, and obviously my five-year-old is not your typical five-year-old. Abigail is very close to Eleanor - who, admittedly, is pretty advanced for her age - developmentally. Eleanor throws more temper tantrums, but Abigail is more oppositional. So I feel a lot like I have two-year-old twins and an eight-month-old. Theodore has officially vanquished his title of "Chillest Baby" to become my "Clingiest Baby When Awake." My daily goal is to keep everyone alive and in a clean diaper. Most of the time I'm desperately searching the cupboards at 5:00, trying to figure out what to make for dinner that takes no prep.
I feel really isolated. Lonely. But I feel like I don't have any other options. Trying to go somewhere with two-year-old twins and an eight-month-old? I'm dripping in sweat just getting everyone into the car. Trying to nurse Theodore and prevent Abigail from destructing something at someone else's house is impossible. Some weeks I'm bursting to get to Zumba just to get a solid hour to myself. I've been turning down invitations left and right: a going away party for a friend, a company bbq hosted by Matt's employer, heck, I can't even get back to Theodore's Godmother for a dinner invite. I honestly don't even brush my hair most days (it just goes straight in a pony tail). I've enlisted my mom to come out once a week to watch the girls while I run errands, and my parents take the girls for an outing once a month so I can get stuff done (or sleep, to be honest, this last time I fell asleep on the couch for a thick, 1.5 hour nap).
I'm eager for school to start back up. For someone else to be in charge of occupying Abigail. For occupational therapy so she stops some of the extra draining behavior. For the girls to get some space from one another because I am so sick of the "she took my toy" fights. Some days I feel like I'm doing pretty good for a mom in my situation. Other days I feel like I'm one high-pitched shriek away from locking everyone up in their own room until Matt gets home. Yesterday is was the former, today it is the latter.
This is a time of super-selflessness. It's really hard and admitting that does not make it any easier.