I'm not exactly sure what this means for our short-term future. On one hand, we can continue to house hunt throughout the fall and winter. But on the other hand, newborn babies + packing and moving is a very difficult challenge. I moved when I was nine months pregnant with Abigail and again at three months post c-section. I would definitely prefer to move when I'm pregnant rather than after. In sum: yes, we might try for another house before the end of the year, but I need to be prepared for us to stay here.
When the deal fell apart (yesterday), I felt deeply depressed. Mentally I am preparing to hunker down in this little apartment for the winter. Staying here will require a huge sacrifice on my part. When the snow falls and we are five people trapped in 1000 square feet - no backyard, no basement, not even a garage - I will be struggling. Trying to imagine life more than one month out right now is very depressing for me.
I am craving stability like a starving man craves food. I want it so bad it hurts. Pregnancy significantly heightens my desire to create a little space that is our own, and I can't do that when we never know if the apartment complex is going to offer to extend our lease or rewire our apartment again. Apartment life is anything but stable, but moving in the midst of a major life change (birth) is even more tumultuous.
The girls need space to burn energy and I need space to put the things three kids in a growing family require. I got a storage unit this morning - it's about five minutes away and will give us a place to put Christmas decorations, outgrown clothes, out-of-season clothes, and baby stuff as it is outgrown. Matt and I are also going to sit down a brainstorm a list of things that would help us use the space we do have more efficiently.
I'm not thinking clearly right now. I'm frustrated and depressed and dreading the winter. I am resorting to the only coping method I know: planning.
Today and tomorrow we'll come up with ways to make this space work just a little longer. This weekend will involve some shopping trips to secure the approved improvements. Next week, during the quiet morning hours when I am not yet fatigued and I only have one kid at home, I shall begin cleaning, organizing, packing away things for storage, and getting things ready for the new baby.
Stupid best laid plans.