27 July 2015

10 Things about Me

Post 3 in a series of 4.

10 Things About Jacqueline Ann...

1. Since starting construction on my shelter (ie, taking an antidepressant), I'm doing amazing. No more anxiety attacks, no more random tears, no more feeling worthless, no more feeling like life is pointless. I can still feel these things bubbling below the surface, but they are small enough that I can deal with them like a regular person. And guess what else? My temper is significantly easier to control. I had no idea I'd been struggling with so much until it was gone. You know how when you get a cold, you just lay in bed at night and wish you could breathe? In and out, through your nose. You curse the healthy you who never truly appreciated air. Then the first day after you recover, you spend the entire time closing your mouth and enjoying deep breaths through both nostrils. But unfortunately, by day two, you're back to the healthy you and you forget how amazing breathing is? Well, that's how it's starting to get for me. Feeling like me is starting to feel normal again. When the panic attacks don't hit, I'm forgetting to appreciate the feeling of control over my own emotions again. I've decided if there is something that won't interfere with breastfeeding, I'm going to continue taking an antidepressant for my postpartum depression too. Three pregnancies, three rounds of ppd. I'm ready to stop for number four. It's not for the rest of my life, it won't even be for one year in total.

2. I used to be super pro everything all natural, I wouldn't even take Tylenol for a headache. But then I had a child who needed real, serious medical intervention, not herbal supplements. I now have (what I think is) a more balanced approach. There are times when ginger pills and essential oils work, but there are times when doctors are very necessary. Some people have lives, or times in their lives, that require more medical intervention than others.

3. I used to go by "Jackie" when I was a little kid, but, as the story goes, I came home from first grade in tears one day, sobbing that kids were insulting my name, and swore to be "Jacqueline" from then on. I have no memory of the event or what the kids were saying. All I know is that I've gone by "Jacqueline" for the last 22 or 23 years.

4. I love mint. The smell, the taste. All things minty are preferable.

5. I've really been into reading modern classics lately. I used to only read things by dead, white, guys, but I missed the more modern stuff I used to read in my Florida book club. Modern stuff is much easier to get into than the old classics, plus writers who are alive are putting out new books. You can only read so much Charles Dickens and Ernest Hemingway before you, literally, have read everything. I love Khaled Hosseini and Gillian Flynn and found Life of Pi and Fight Club to be really deep and insightful books.

An engagement photo. From 2007. I was 20 years old.
6. I am terrible at math. Really awful. But I love most sciences: earth science, anatomy/physiology, biology, astronomy, and the social sciences.

7. I never had a crisis of faith when we found out Abigail had a heart condition when I was pregnant. Or when we found out she had Down syndrome. Or when she had open-the-heart surgery. Or when I had a miscarriage. But now, with this unexpected pregnancy only nine months after having Eleanor, I'm really struggling. I would say "crisis of faith" is a bit too strong, but I'm angry. At God, at the Church for outlawing birth control, at NFP, and at my fertility. I'm struggling to make sense of things right now and trying to figure out which NFP method to try this next time around. (I'm leaning Marquette right now).

8. Matt thinks I should put something in here about my college. I graduated from Michigan State with my Bachelor's in only three years. I took a few college classes in high school and had a few AP credits as well. Combined with a few classes over the summers, I found myself with enough credits to graduate a year early. That makes it sound easy, but it was actually a lot of work. Lots of studying, not much socializing. I don't think I'm a very smart person, but I do think I'm a very hard worker. I worked really hard in college and it paid off. I even graduated with honor (meaning I was in the top 10% of my class).

That's me in the front, at the podium.
9. If I could have any alter ego, I would want to be Pink. As in, the singer. She's bold, confident, unafraid of hurting people's feelings. I love how unapologetic she is about herself. In real life, I'm very quiet, I have a very hard time revealing my feelings, I'm overly deferential to other people's feelings, and I take everything very personally.

10. I have this dream that after we're done having kids and the youngest is in school, I'm going to convert some part of my house - or maybe build a studio in my backyard - into my own, personal writing studio. Then I'll spend part of each day tucked away in my office typing out the great American novel.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Regular reader/sometime commenter, but going anonymous for this comment because of the subject. ;)

Marquette seriously saved my bacon postpartum. I had bad, untreated PPD. Even at the best of times, I admit I wouldn't have been especially good at strictly mucus-based methods. However, when you're waking up in the morning and having to exercise your best self-control to not start off the day in tears because you have no idea how you're going to make it through the next 14 hours...yeah, not exactly the best of times, and it definitely would have been a *really* bad time for me to use anything except a totally black-and-white method. It worked very well for us; honestly, we plan on using it until menopause unless something better comes on the market.

Best of luck to you!