08 June 2015

The Precipice

I feel like I am beginning this summer standing at a precipice. The trail Matt and I are walking has meandered out of -- pick a metaphor here: the desert of law school? the woods of temporary jobs? -- into the bright sunshine. And, coincidentally, a cliff. A tall, steep cliff. Two things could happen: We could keep following this trail; it meanders away from the cliff and back into the woods. I don't know when it will come back into the sunshine and show us another opportunity.

Or, we could jump.

I want to jump.

I want to feel my heart pound as my feet fling my body forward beyond the ground. I want to feel that split second of adrenaline-inducing free fall before I spread open my wings and catch myself on the wind. I want to feel my heart burst and the joyful tears pour as I glide over the gorgeous valleys below.

The precipice, the jump, the taking of a new trail is the gaining of this job. We really, really want this job. It's a good job doing what Matt wants to do. It would be permanent. It's in the same city he's in now. I believe it includes a small raise. It's still with the state, so we'd still have kick-ass insurance and holidays and weekends off. Matt wants this job so badly that whenever it comes up, he gets excited and refuses to talk about it - nervous to jinx things. We want this job so badly we are saying a novena for it.

He applied last week, but, for better or worse, because of the way the department does things, it could be months before he gets an interview. So we might not hear back for a while. Or we might here from them next week. There is no way to know.

If he got this job, we'd could finally, finally be done with our gypsy-esque lifestyle of constantly moving. We could put down roots and doing normal, adult things like buy real end tables and take vacations. And we could build our dream house. Earlier this year, we took our floorplan to a builder to get it checked out and to get a price estimate. I could be living in my dream house in this town we've decided is a good fit for our family by the time this baby comes!

I want to jump so very badly.

This summer is full of promise. An eating clinic and a possible equine therapy program for Abigail. A second car. My life could look so different in six short months! We have been paying our dues for so long. We will keep paying them if we have to, but I pray and pray and pray that we can finally jump off the cliff and onto the "regular family life" bandwagon and host summer barbecues and adopt a dog.

1 comment:

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