This is my third post of the morning, my friends. I wanted to write, but I felt too complainy, so I penned these two happy little philosophical posts, one about supporting fellow moms and one about community.
But they felt really insincere. I'm totally not feeling them today. There's too much real life going on. Like, we had to put our cat down and this morning Abigail was calling her name and searching the apartment for her and I totally broke down in tears again. And I %&#$(@*$ hate breastfeeding for lots of reasons you don't blast on the Internet. I hated bottlefeeding Abigail and thought breastfeeding would solve all my woes. But it turns out breastfeeding has it's own set of issues. And I'm not giving up breastfeeding as I hate it less than I hate bottlefeeding, but I'm just venting because if I even think about my body when I'm breastfeeding the damn ducts plug up. I'm still not sleeping at night, showering is a joke, and I keep stress-eating this stupid banana split pie that I don't even like, but my grandmother thinks I do, so she keeps buying it for me. Too much real life, ya know?
But today was Eleanor's newborn photoshoot and the photographer is one of those friendly, outgoing, great-with-kids kinds of people who totally makes you feel at ease when your baby is sobbing hysterically and your toddler is throwing stuffed animals at the cat and you're having a hot flash and sweating profusely. There is something about seeing other people play with your kids and call them cute that endears them to you, ya know? And eventually Eleanor calmed down and she took about a thousand pictures and when she showed me a few, Eleanor totally looked like a happy, calm, inquisitive baby. And so we had some of those moments. Moments where I can forget that Eleanor's a world-class crier who thinks I'm a human pacifier. Or that Abigail ripped her pigtails out about two seconds after I put them in. Or that I was "this close" to calling my mom this morning and begging her to come visit me and bring me coffee and something chocolatey.
Sometimes it takes someone else's perspective to make you take a step back. And even if everything sucks, sometimes stepping back makes you realize that you were having an awesome hair day last Sunday
Or that she looks really cute in her first pair of flip-flop sandals.
Because even if they wake up four times a night to nurse (in between the nursing her to sleep at bedtime and nursing her when she gets up for the morning), they look so cute in pink diaper covers.
We've been spending a lot of time in the trenches of young-child parenting lately, and sometimes I really need a reality check. Stop and admire the ruffle butts. And the pink stripes. And the high bun. The tears won't last forever and either will the ruffle butts.