Today's topic: Beautiful
I'm a goal-oriented person who (usually) finishes everything she puts down on her to-do list. I'm one of those people who can cook dinner and do the dishes while switching the laundry and taking out the trash. (Don't worry, to compensate for it, I'm very socially awkward and not very smart). Anyway, I get on these streaks where even things I enjoy become just another thing on the list to check off. It seriously gets in the way of me bonding with Abigail. Far too often, I just give her "the forbidden toy" (Blues Clues, a "big girl book") so that I can just finish one more thing. But the problem is that the one more thing is never finished. Either I'll have to do it again tomorrow (sweeping, for example), or I'll find another chore to do while I'm finishing up the first. And so it goes that some days, I feel like I barely see Abigail except for the Chica-related to-dos.
So I have to make a conscious point to freaking turn off "productive, OCD Jacqueline" to be a good mom. To seriously spend 15 minutes pretending to eat the same dozen things out of her little grocery cart because it makes her laugh. Or to cuddle her to sleep at night even when she doesn't need it. Those 20 minutes spent staring in Abigail's eyes, tracing the lines of her eyebrows and check bones and she stares at me so lovingly, trustingly bring tears to my eyes (And they she looks at me confusedly). Those moments are beautiful. Soul-calming. Soul-building. Those moments build beautiful memories. Much more important ones than the memory of a kitchen table that is always clean.