05 March 2013

The Difficulties of My Vocation

Abigail is very confident that if it isn't fun, she doesn't have to do it, if it isn't yummy, she doesn't have to eat it, and if it isn't familiar, she doesn't need to pay it any attention. She's all play and no work, and if I want her to work, I need to ask with a spoonful of sugar so she forgets there's work involved. And just like any other almost two year old, even "hot - don't touch!" is a power struggle. There's a simple biological explanation: her prefrontal cortex is still developing. In laymen's terms: she's just a kid.

But I'm not a kid. So while I get time to do things solely because I wanna (I try to squeeze some in every day), the bulk of my day is filled with things I have to do. I struggle with maintaining a healthy balance between all the to-dos. I'm the kind of person who would prefer to focus on a project, hammering it out until it's done, but that's almost never how things work in this house anymore, especially when we get home after a few days absence. I need to sit down and go through all the papers the Realtor sent us home with and check all 18 emails she's sent me (okay, slight exaggeration; more like 12). I need to follow up with the bank, touch base with our inspector, get recommendations for an electrician, just in case. I want to just sit down and get it all out of the way in one fell swoop.

Once I finish that task, I have a stack of mail to go through, an empty fridge to fill, a bag of dried beans that need a six hour head start before dinner time, a floor to sweep, and a kitchen table that could pass for a filing cabinet to clean.

And then there's Abigail. Whose pretty sure that there is nothing fun about mommy sitting at a computer. And whose also very certain that phones are way fun and whatever banker I'm speaking with at the moment would like to hear her two cents. She needs me. And I need time in prayer, time to exercise, and time to develop new product for Sheep & Co.

So I'm learning how to balance. How to throw some beans on the stove without stopping to wash the dishes we left in the sink when we left on Thursday. How to utilize the 5 minute distraction a stack of blocks brings to cross only one person off my "to call" list. How to delegate the stack of mail to my husband, whom I sometimes still forget isn't in law school.

It's hard and I fail at it a lot. My mind understands it a lot more than my heart acts it. This here vocation of mine is really challenging for me. Abigail's mama and Matt's wife needs to express her priorities throughout her actions. She needs to be more patient. She needs to do things she doesn't necessarily want to do, but needs to do. She needs to stay focused on her purpose.

1 comment:

Liz E. said...

What??? You want to get something done with a small child in the house? Who do you think you are?! Jk. God certainly likes this discipline, detachment, and surrender stuff, doesn't he? Before I had children, I mostly had no idea what putting yourself second meant and I thought doing it would come sort of easily because of my abundant love for my family. Not so much, lol!