19 October 2012


It's Friday. I'm in love.

It's been a really long short week and I'm glad that today is Friday and we have nothing on the calendar. Yesterday was a my hair smells like cheddar cheese and vomit kind of day, and the never ending rain means that Abigail and I haven't been able to go for a walk to get away from these four walls in over a week.

The promise of Friday is magical. I can spend the entire day looking forward to 5:04pm, when Matt walks in the door and we know we have the entire weekend to do whatever we want. The promise of sleeping in and a no-count day and maybe good weather.

You know those old guys you had to study in high school who were all about self-improvement? Thoreau and Emerson (BTW, I HATE Thoreau. Just thinking about him gets my usually conservative blood surging with feminist hatred. But anyway). Maybe you read Benjamin Franklin's self-improvement journals? Andrew Carnegie pulling himself up by his bootstraps? That's me to a T. I'm all about continual personal development. I'm an never-satisfied perfectionist who doesn't believe it's ever good enough. Some birth-order theories argue its a first-born thing. I just think of it as a me-thing.

So anyway, I'm focusing on two aspects right now: holiness and discipline. In terms of holiness, I started a read-the-whole Bible plan. I read through it once before in 2005, when I was converting to Catholicism, but I still come across a lot of verses, or even entire books, that I don't remember. So each morning after I put Abigail down for her morning nap (the only dependable nap), I read a few chapters and lectio divina a chapter from Psalms. It is amazing to me how much this plus a brief nightly examination of conscious has done for my sense of humility and made temptations of sloth and gluttony during the day easier to avoid. In addition, Matt and I started a nightly tradition of bringing up one mistake we made that day and discussing what we learned from it (an idea I got from this book) to help us grow and overcome some of the obstacles we are struggling to get over.

I know I've briefly mentioned our health insurance woes before, but I can't find the blog post because my Internet keeps going out, so I can't reference it. Basically, Matt's job doesn't come with benefits, we make too much money to qualify for a government program, and we don't make enough money to afford private insurance (the premiums would cost as much per month as our rent and all of our utilities including our phones and Internet combined. For an 80/20 plan with a decent deductible. Which we'd meet. Fast.) So anyway, we've decided to pay for Abigail's care out-of-pocket. This will be mega fun. I seriously think it will cheaper than paying premiums. Yeah. Anyway, when Matt's job ends in July, his next job will either have insurance (we won't accept one that won't) or we'll be unemployed and qualifying for government benefits. So I only have to make this work for nine more months. Since we'll be paying for everything ourselves, I'm going to be pickier about what kind of care she receives. If I know she doesn't need a test, she won't take it. Sometimes I feel like my whole life is just one big fight. I'm going to make a playlist of songs that make me feel bullet proof and listen to it on the way to these doctor's appointments. It won't be the first time I've had to duke it out with a white coat about what kind of care is best for my Chica.

Phew. Happier topic? Amen. I am feeling so balanced right now. Daily exercise and eating right mean these jeans need a belt. Is it just me or is loosing weight totally a high? A mom's group and a book club mean I've been getting out and getting me-time. Frugality means we are under-budget in the food and household department this month, two categories that are chronically in the red. I've gone to bed early twice this week, which means I'm feeling energized. All Abigail's therapy is in order, which means Chica is standing much stronger, using her pointer finger, discovering new consonants, and drinking out of a big girl cup.

Today's frugality includes tacos with homemade tortillas and taco seasonings. I also hope to make baby food and more bread.

I'm in a weird mood today, but a happy one.

What am I thankful for? Well, you probably already know the answer to that one.

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