27 August 2010

The Things We Do for Love

It is 10:00pm, and I am at the law library with my husband. I wanted to spend some time with him, and he needed to go to the library, so here I am. Usually I am in bed at this point. Although, it is a Friday night, maybe I would have stayed up until 10:30 or even 11pm. Either way, I am never out this late.

I guess this is one of those things you do when you love your husband and you're in law school.

The library is rather cold, by the way.

21 August 2010

The Reinvention of Self

At the last book club meeting, the particular book we were reading led many women to tangent upon how the choices they made when they were growing up have changed their lives today. It was interesting how even though unexpected things did change the course of events for them, a good number of things they'd wanted "ever since they were young" came true.

I am also struck by a coworker of mine. She is in her 50s and has recent discovered the gym. She has taken bikram yoga, is currently taking a spinning class, and hopes, when her two high-school age children have left for college, to start taking tennis lessons. I am really amazed that at 50, she decided to do something new with her life.

Matt and I choose to go to a particular school that put us in a city we don't want to live in and in a state we don't want to reside. We are stuck doing this for the next two years. We have no extra cash with which to take long vacations, buy kayaks, or even buy a second car. (Which, by the way, had something else go wrong with it, and I have officially put about as much money into the car as it is worth since the spring, although that does include new tires). Anyway, I start to think that nothing in life will ever be back in our control.

I also feel, perhaps because so often our society decrees our 20s to be the best years of our lives, that I have to accomplish all of my dreams before I hit the big 3-0. (This proves difficult because I don't want to work when our kids are young and we hope to have most of our kids while we are young). Anyway, I often feel like we are going to be stuck in a one bedroom apartment with no money and no excitement for the rest of our lives, thus rendering my dreams, and my life, empty.

Lastly, a friend of mine (in her 30s) has done a significant amount of traveling, especially in Indochina, including spending a month in Thailand. I would say that her experiences traveling have shaped her outlook on life dramatically. I was shocked to find out that by the age of 21, the only place she'd ever visited outside of America was Cancun!

I think that as much as it is important to have friends going through what you are going through (in my case law school), it is also important to have friends who are in a different place in life. I think that later group of friends is really crucial to us seeing the "bigger picture" so-to-speak, as opposed to getting caught up on the drama of our own situation.

I could still learn how to become a camping and kayaking expert, perhaps while teaching my family. I could even pursue a job field testing LLBean gear! If I want, it is completely possible for me to have a 15 year career as a library. I wouldn't even have to start until I was 50 in order for that to happen. I could see all 50 states, visit Ireland, and Scotland, and London, and Egypt, and Greece, and Krakow, and Austria, and Bali, and Kamchatka. I could even volunteer to work with that big cat sanctuary up in Tennessee. Maybe if I played my cards right, I could even do all of those things; if I live to be 80, I could have six ten-year long careers. And heck, at 23, I could still even get a novel published before I hit the not-so-awful 3-0.

16 August 2010

The Final Days of Summer

It certainly feels like an update is needed, but I'm not really sure what to post about. I do have an idea, but I think it's too sensitive of a topic to talk about, as people it discuses may read this blog. I'll guess I'll just general update headline-style.

I had to take my car in to the shop three times in one week. I took it in today as the a/c was broken. I've had to drive around since Saturday with 95* temps and 88% humidity. Thankfully all three trips combined were less than $350.

Matt started his orientation for Law Review today. They require about 20 extra curricular hours. 2L year better be way easier than 1L year. We are going to buy his books for class on Wednesday.

Matt's birthday is in about three weeks, so I have begun doing some preliminary planning. Nothing too exciting yet.

I have chosen two life goals for myself. The first is to write a novel that someone publishes. The second is the camp in the Adirondacks. I'm not sure if I want to have a base camp from which I can bike and kayak or if I will backpack it. Either way, I want to do those two things.

I have one week to finish up my summer goals. I need to read one more book, lose four more pounds, play around with a computer program that I have, and go to a beach to which I have never been. Hmmm...that is a lot for one week and one weekend. We'll see if I can pull it off.

I will make a winter semester goal this weekend.

In the meantime, I need to go fold the laundry.

05 August 2010

Going It Alone

So I've had a hellish few days. Lots of waiting, lots of money, not much sleep. I have a deaf, epileptic cat.

Said kitty is only two years and three months old and I miss love her very much. She has been deaf most of her entire life (depending on who you ask). She meows funny. She meows loudly, like a teenager wearing head phones, yelling above the music. She has had seizures pretty much her entire life, but a previous vet wrote them off as asthma. How do you confuse asthma and seizures? They are not grand mal seizures  and they never lasted more than 10 seconds. Until Tuesday. Tuesday night I played with her. Then on Tuesday night 10 second seizures ran back to back for a few minutes. They were worse than they've ever been before. I rushed her to the vet. She had a seizure at the hospital. Then she had a few more. I waited. A long time. They bruised her in several places trying to draw blood. They shaved her feet and put needles in them. She hates it when anything touches her feet. They gave her lots of drugs. They wanted to keep her over night. They wanted to give her $1500 tests and $24/dose drugs with side effects. Seizures cause brain swelling, which triggers more seizures. They told me that if her seizures last more than 5 minutes or run back to back for more than 5 minutes that she is in imminent danger. She will fry her own brain. They took her into the back room away from me. They don't know her hand signals. She is deaf. They don't know how to communicate with her. She scratched the vet techs. They think I am a bad pet owner for taking her home that night. They indicated in the report they wrote that I am a bad pet owner. I stayed at the pet hospital for three hours. I took her limp,  drugged up, unconscious body home. I woke up every hour or so as she thrashed around in her carrier, fighting the valium. I stayed home from work the next day as the drugs wore off and she stumbled around and fell off of chairs and coffee tables. I found all natural herbal remedies online with zero side effects. I ordered them. I went to work today. I spent all day wondering if I would come home to a dead cat. I left work early. I held my breath as I opened the door. Kitty was breathing. Kitty is breathing. I have not observed kitty having a single seizure since we got home.

But they are not over. They will never be over. It is not a matter of if. It is a matter of when. My stomach is in knots. I am waiting for my cat to have a seizure. I am praying that the drugs she got at the hospital will hold until the herbal remedies arrive. They shipped today. I am praying they arrive before the weekend. Drugs don't work. Holistic medicine does. I have an incurable colon disease. The side effects from the drugs they gave me were the same as the symptoms of the disease. I took herbal remedies instead. I am not suffering from my incurable disease. I am living my proof. I hope they work for kitty.

Matt is in Arizona. I am doing all of this by myself.

I love my kitty. Please don't have another seizure.